Last month, SyFy aired a two-part miniseries called Neverland. In one scene the Indians and pirates are fighting. Many Indians are dying for they only have spears and arrows, while the pirates have guns. Then, the tribe’s holy man, played by Raoul Trujillo, opens his arms and stands in front of his people. In that moment, he was superbly vulnerable — an easy target for Rhys Ifans’ James Hook — and yet he was also at his most powerful. Hook stood down and the pirates got away.
This year, I’m conducting an experiment in gratitude and working through a book I recently read called Living in Gratitude. In one of the exercises for this month, I’m exploring my lessons from the four themes of soulmaking … one of them being “power.”
On New Year’s Day I made a discovery about my relationship to power. I discovered that surrendering to vulnerability can lead to an amazing rush of personal power. And, as the week has progressed I’m learning that being vulnerable is like being in a forging fire or running a gauntlet of flame. It can be painful … which is why so many of us avoid it like the dentist … but it is necessary for all the good things we want out of life.
Being vulnerable means opening ourselves to the possibility of pain. It requires courage both in bravery and in its original meaning of telling the story of who you are with your whole heart. Being vulnerable requires that you believe in your own worthiness and that you accept that not everyone is going to agree with you on that matter.
To write this post, I did a little research on vulnerability and came upon this video of a TED talk. It is 20 minutes worth spending to watch it.
Brene Brown’s presentation is entertaining and humorous, and yet I cried through the majority of it. I believe that is because I’m feeling very vulnerable right now and am currently in the heat of my own vulnerability forging fire. Lucky for me, I believe in my own worth, I’m OK with others not agreeing with me on that matter, and I will emerge from this gauntlet a better person. It just doesn’t feel good right now in moment. And that’s OK.
What really stuck with me about Brown’s talk were these two points:
“shame is the fear of disconnection”
and
“in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen”
Part of being a human is a need for connectedness. When we feel that we are somehow unworthy of connection, we experience shame. And, paradoxically, this shame leads us to hide ourselves from others, which, in turn, makes it impossible for connection to happen. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
One of my life lessons over the past few years has been vulnerability. The universe has been arranging things so that, despite by independent pride, I’ve had to be vulnerable. I’ve had to ask for help. I’ve had to depend on others. I’ve had to let people see me at my weak moments … something I’ve always tried to hide.
And I think I’ve very, very close to finally learning that lesson. On New Year’s Day I did something completely out of character and allowed myself to be superbly vulnerable to someone I barely knew. It was wonderful and empowering and amazing. I know that experience will lead to a well of creativity this year.
But it has also left me feeling vulnerable longer than I care to be. And I’m having to relax into and be OK with that. Whatever the end game of this little adventure may be, I am forever grateful for having the opportunity to experience it.
